As many of my friends on here know I am resuming my job as a flight attendant. I have 20 years of seniority and when I took a voluntary furlough 5 years ago to pursue our adoption I was not sure if I would ever return to flying. Well our adoption plan was suppose to be 12-18 months from start to finish when we started our paperwork for China, and well the story goes that 18 months into that wait we knew that the wait was going to be far longer. That is when we switched to Taiwan and we came home with Hayden almost exactly 3 years to the day we started our journey to adoption. Well the moment I held Hayden I looked at my husband and said "I am NEVER going back to work" We are VERY blessed that I can stay at home. By the time we came home with Hayden it didn't appear that I would ever be recalled anyway, we were merging with another airline and the airline industry was suffering so. But as far as I was concerned it didn't matter because I had no desire to go back to work and be gone from home and Hayden anyway.
Fast forward to Aug, 2010 I celebrated my 20th anniversary with my company(I have been accruing seniority during this furlough) I find out that they are recalling and I have the chance to go back to work. So after much talk and thought and talk and crying, and talk, and thought and crying we made a mutual decision that it was beneficial to our whole family for me to try and go back and stay until I can officially retire(hopefully in 4 1/2 years) That will give us lifetime access to medical/dental insurance and pass privileges. All things that are extremely valuable in this uncertain world and economy we live in. The plan is for me to fly VERY little by dropping and taking available leaves of absences at least until H is in school. But with this decision came the obligation to travel to our corp HQ for 3 days in November and 22 days in the spring for re-qualifications'. I have known this info for about a month now and I have cried more tears than I knew I was capable of crying. I know millions of mommies go to work everyday and I know that the 18 months I have been blessed to be home with my daughter is just that "a blessing" But all I can say is I have no idea how you working moms do this....do what you ask?? LEAVE!!! It is not about control, H will in fine hands with her daddy and Mary Poppins that we have hired to come into our home. It is just about being gone from her, hearing the funny things she says, being there when she wakes up, rocking her before her nap, having our lunches with our friends. It is all of it!! I am heartbroken to be leaving. I am nearly catatonic at this point as the date is looming close. I am doing my best to not express all of my anxieties around Hayden as I don't want her to be upset. Boy is it hard to not just bust out bawling when I look at her.
I keep reminding myself that as a family pre-Hayden we had traveled all over the world. My stepchildren have flown EVERYWHERE!!! Without access to those travel privileges we will not be able to offer that same luxury to Hayden. Taking her back to Taiwan or visit Shiyu in China will be a huge undertaking financially, and one that won't happen frequently. So I say I will pull up my big girl panties and get on with getting this training done and behind me.
But just know if you are seated next to me on the plane en route to Corp City........no I am not sobbing because someone died, I am sobbing because I already miss my girl!!!!!
I swear we really have found Mary Poppins(english accent and all) Hayden loves her, and she literally plays with her all day long!!! She will be well cared for and very LOVED!!! I have nothing to worry about. Daddy will work from home and have Mary Poppins keep an eye on H and keep her occupied.
Because I know you are not interested in my "oh woes the me" and you are more interested in what Hayden is up too....here is that cute little lovebug.
Her hair looks so long in this picture.
Glad we finally had it trimmed.
Someday she will KILL me for this....her costume had just arrived and she had to try it on...but only over her jamjam's. Oh now there is a "glamour do" if there ever was one!!
This is Jack, and he is one of my dearest friends little boy's. He will be 4 in January and getting a new sister in December. He is the SWEETEST little boy and is so GOOD to Hayden. We had just finished lunch and where we ate had a big playground. Jack was so sweet he held Hayden's hand the whole time, helped her on the slide. Totally took his job responsibility very seriously!! You can see even as we walked out he held her hand and was even going to walk us to our car.
We LOVE you Jack T, you are going to be the BEST big brother:)
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9 comments:
My heart definitely goes out to you. It is hard everyday kissing my Lexiebug and not being a part of her day. Especially at this age, when new things happen when I'm not there. I know it'll be extra hard on you since you'll be flying off, but I know you're strong and in the end, it's all for Hayden! Travelling is expensive and we haven't stepped on a plane since Taiwan because of that. So if 4 more years of working will afford you the privileges of showing Hayden the world, I think it'll definitely be worth it. And I'm sure you'll work your magic to make sure that you are with Hayden as much as you can possibly be. Remember you always have us to cry your woes to... we support you 100%!
You can do this! Especially with someone watching her at home while daddy is there... perfect arrangements. Now as for you missing her- think how much sweeter-if at all possible- it will be when you return. When I went back it was very hard- but then it becomes your new normal and it gets a little easier. Now I'm not saying it will ever be great but it does become easier. Four years is not so long and you have the flexibility that goes with your job. Hang in there. Lisa
Oh honey...of course you are sad! But you can do this! Daddy and Mary Poppins will be there and Hayden will be SO happy to see you when you get home! It is SO, SO hard at first, but like Lisa said...it becomes your new normal, and it will become Hayden's new normal. You guys will do great...and you will get health insurance for life and the ability to travel everywhere...that is priceless too!
Hugs, you. I'm not sure how itll go - but someday ill have 2 get back 2 work too. My mom did it. It'll be tough but youve gotta do whatcha gotta do!
Keep your spirits high! You will make this work and Hayden will be well taken care of by Mary Poppins it sounds like. I'm sure you will be missing her every minute you are away from her, but just think about how excited she will be when you return. You will all go through a transition period, but eventually things will get on track and fall right into place. Best wishes to you all.
Oh, oh oh!
I didn't know and please don't 'eveh' worry about sharing the woes, the Mommy stuff and all of it, right alongside the pretty stuff too! ( cuz yes, we do love that Hayden eye candy....look at that long hair!!!) er sorry.....I get easily distracted!
back to this:
Every year Scott and I just look at each other and say, "one year at a time" and its not just lip service; it really IS one year at a time. I fully expect to head back to work also before Tyler reaches school age, as our resources are tight and my old school district beckons. I have been able to tutor and such but with the economy....well, you know!
It breaks my heart too thinking about it but gosh, in your shoes, with those options on the table, I(we) would be doing the very same!!
And she's gonna be fine cuz she knows how adored, cherished and loves she is.....no matter the day of the week or scheduled trip.
And you, my sweet friend, would be in good company with me on that plane, cuz I would be bawling too....the ugly cry....but I would also know that it was gonna be fine in the end cuz what you will gain for Hayden is worth every stitch of it!!! Even if its HARD HARD HARD!!!!!
Drat ~ I don't think I've offered much here but please know I'm thinking of you and wish I could do more to help!!!!
Don't be afraid to call upon us for Mama mojo or just for a shoulder via the blogoshphere...cuz not a single one of us doesn't understand the emotions at work here!
Leaving your sweet girl is so very hard. Thank you for sharing your heartache. Wishing you strength as you go back to work.
My heart breaks for you, because I know what that feels like to go back to work and it is still hard for me - there are good weeks and then I will hit a road block and all I want to do is stay home with Julianna, it sure is a roller coaster. But, like we talked about when I was in Dallas, we are giving our girls opportunities that would not exist if we didn't get up each day and "pull up our big girl panties". I won't lie, it is very hard, but it does end up being ok and Hayden will also do great. Julianna loves to play with her friends at "school" now and is doing very well there. Hang in there girl, and who knows I may see you on a flight someday - and am known to shed tears - I am usually by the window so I can hide my face.
I totally understand this stress and feeling. I have always worked to some extent while raising my kids. I take the ultimate amount of time I can take off after I had each one, 12 weeks, and I will when our new little comes as well. I have worked part time during most of my parenting years - 2 or 3 days per week, which works out great.
There have been occasions when I have had to work full time for periods of time here or there (like right now as I am trying to earn extra $ for the adoption!). It is so hard for a mom to work full time and still keep her kids and home in order. It is exhausting and my heart goes out to moms when they get overwhelmed!
It sounds as though your schedule has a few days on and a few days off? That should work out well! Your care plan sounds ideal. You will do a great job and will find a nice rhythm! Blessings and prayers!
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