Hayden attended her first birthday party!!

She started the party feeling a little timid.

Then she made friends with the big girls!!Dancing helped make her feel better!

By now she had everyone wanting to hold her, dance with her, or hold her hand.

Hayden's new mother's helpers!!!  Not even kidding, these girls rocked it taking such sweet care of Hayden at the party!  She would love for them to come over this summer(and so would mommy)

Princess Hayden

Look at how Lindsey is looking at Hayden.  We love Lindsey!!

The birthday girl herself known none other than Neely Kate.  Neely came home from China about 2 weeks before we came home with Hayden.  Neely's mommy is a flight attendant too, and we just live minutes apart.  Neely's mommy is one of my dear, dear friends, and Hayden LOVES Miss Marcy!!

We became friends through adoption, been through a lot of lows and highs on this journey together.  Very blessed by this friendship!

Hayden had a blast at the party.  She really loved the big girls, and getting her nails painted.  Again she was not so sure when we first arrived, but by the time we left....I had to go find her!!  The party was a huge success.  Neely Kate is 5 now and just so cute you can hardly stand it.  She is such a blessing to her family, and we are so glad to get to be a part of her life!!  She has been home with her family just a little over a year.  She came home just before turning 4 and let's just say you would never know that she lived in China!!  Her English is incredible! her personality infectious, and a twinkle in her eye that gets everyone!!

Happy Birthday Neely Kate, we love you!!

Hayden's face is not dirty....that was a glitter star on her cheek that I think she scratch off.

1 year ago today....

One year ago today our hearts grew a thousand times bigger.
One year ago today our lives changed forever.
One year ago today our world was turned upside down in a good way halfway around the world.
One year ago today we had no idea that we would  love you so much that it hurt.
One year ago today we had never met a child with so much personality or charisma as you.
One year ago today a dream came true that will forever be etched into our minds and hearts.
One year ago today we had no idea how much we would enjoy watching Sesame Street.
One year ago today we had never worried so much about somone as much as we worried for you.
One year ago today we had never watched something as painful as watching you cry for your foster mother.
One year ago today we knew we had made the perfect choice for our family.
One year ago today we knew without a doubt that we were meant for you and you for us.
One year ago today we never knew we would be bringing home a little girl that has so many people to love her!
One year ago today was undoubtly one of the best days of our lives.

This day a year ago was a day that we had waited for for so long, and there were moments that it felt as though we would never fulfill this dream.  We had enjoyed 6 months of watching Hayden grow and change in her updates, as well as loving her as best as you can from 8000 miles away.  Prior to the first pictures of Hayden we just loved the idea of who our daughter would be someday.  But nothing would prepare us for the moment we actually met her and held her in our arms.  When I look back at the video of that day it is funny to see our reactions.  David and I were both very quiet intially(unusual for me) and I think we were just in total AWE of this beautiful child before us that had no interest or intentions of leaving her home that day.   That should have been our first clue and insight to Hayden's personality.  She is a girl on a mission, very determined and focused, and don't get in her way!!  I don't remember feeling nervous, or even that overly emotional(again unusual for me under the circumstances) but was really just trying to take it all in, I knew I was really trying to hold on to the moment, the experience, and the reality of what was happening.  On the other hand I needed to take on my new role as "mommy" and give Hayden the first sense of who we were, how we were going to love her, and most importantly that we were going to be a family forever(and ever)

I obviously have not given birth to a child and so I have no experience of what that must feel like, but I do know that adoption is truly an amazing gift to those who seek it.  Again there was no question that I would love this little girl as though she was made from us, there was just no question that WE would both love her~that was sort of given.  But what I had not prepared for was the overwhelming love and devotion that would fill every cell of my body.  Biologically speaking she might not be made from "us" but trust me when I say Hayden Magee is without a doubt our daughter....tried and true.  Everyday I think I can't possibly love her anymore....and everyday I just fall deeper and deeper in love with her.  I knew I wanted to be a mommy, and I waited a really long time to become a "mommy"  but I really didn't have any idea that I would love my job as "Hayden's mommy" as much as I do.  Yes we have challenging days, and yes I sometimes can't wait for naptime or bedtime, but I also can't wait to see what she is going to say or do today or tomorrow. It really is the best job title I have ever held.

Hayden makes us laugh all the time, she is incredibly bright, she has more energy than one person should have, she has a twinkle in her eye that grabs everyone. She is incredibly friendly and social, she could talk your ear off.....people about fall over when they chat with her and then ask her age.  Seriously she has some language skills that even surprise me. She is keenly aware of everyone and everything around her. She is affectionate, kind, empathic and generous(good sharer) She is a huge animal lover, LOVES music, is very girlygirly, loves to have her toenails painted, is happy to wear a bow everyday.  She loves to help pick out what she is going to wear each day. She loves shoes(especially boots) and jewerly and carmex.  She tells us a few dozen times a day that she loves us.  She is a great traveller(most of the time) and has logged in 20 take offs and landings in just a year!! She is a good sleeper even when we travel.  She adores her baby, her blanket and her binka, if we have those 3 things life is good for Hayden.  She loves Sesame Street and Barney, but she will watch any thing that has animals in it.  She regularly talks about her brother and sister even though she doesn't see them that often.  She knows Connor is at school and Taylor is on the river~LOL she will also always tell you Daddy is at work!!

Hayden weighed 16.4 lbs and was 27 inches long when we brought her home last year.  She now weighs a stunning 22 lbs and is 31 inches tall.  She mostly wears 12-18 mths 18-24 mth clothes and wears a 4 1/2 shoe.  She might be small but she is mighty!!

Not a day goes by that I am not thankful, grateful and aware of how blessed we are with Hayden and our family.  I also remember what it felt like to be a waiting parent.  I know so many of you are out there waiting for your little ones to come home.  I know it is incredibly painful, and depressing to be waiting without any foresight of when the wait will end.  Please know when it does finally happen so much of the pain and anguish of waiting subsides and you feel the renewed spirit of knowing you had to wait, because you were waiting for the child that was meant to be yours.  I never believed that until I became Hayden's mommy.  She is so my daughter it is scary, and has been that way almost since the moment I met her:) 

I have decided to not post my letter to Hayden on the blog.  I am doing a scrapbook for her, and I think each year on this day I will write my letter to her and stick it away in her book for her to look at in the years to come. 

I will end this by saying Hayden you are the light of our lives, you have wrapped us into your tiny little world forever.  Each day I am so grateful that your birthmother made such a selfless decision.  We know she wanted you to have opportunites that she could not give you, and I hope that someday she knows that we have taken the responsibility of being your parents very seriously, and hope that we make you and her proud of the job we have done. 

Mommy loves you to the moon and back, and you are my wish come true. 

xoxo
                                                                 


                         Our first sight of Hayden with Mrs. Chen

I hate that we are even trying to smile in this picture.  Hayden was still very upset and had been crying for about an hour. 

This was our 2nd day with Hayden, she had perked up, but trust me it was short lived.  Day 3 was her day full of intense greiving.

Here we are today a year later.  She has her own style....she picked the hat not me:)  Going for the gangsta look I guess.

Here you are counting....you are so full of life and smiles!!

hmmmmmm, this is just Hayden being Hayden:)  We love you baby!!

End of our Vacation pictures

Hayden ready for cake

Celebrating Aunt KK's birthday

Kenzie and Hayden playing with the sidewalk chalk.

Besides her daddy Hayden LOVES her uncles like no others!!  They are her adoring fan club!!  (we miss you guys already)

Laying a BIG goodbye smooch to Uncle Rick!! 

Uncle Jay getting his smoochy on from Hayden.  He will hate this picture I am sure.  So look now, because it might be gone by tomorrow.

We actually have few pictures of the 3 of us together.  We love being at the beach and feel so fortunate that we have such a lovely place to visit throughout the year and to have time with the Uncles, the most generous hosts ever, and I think they have no idea how much we love to see them and how much we LOVE them!!  Thank you for 17 days of bliss(well most of it was blissful)  I love that Hayden will grow up knowing the beach and having such fond memories of visiting her uncles and their lovely house.  This is something I did not have as a child and I love that they offer that to her on a silver platter!!  It won't be long and she won't want David and I going and cramping her LA style with her uncles!!  LOL

Stay tuned.  Tomorrow is our one year anniversary of becoming a family of 5!!  In some ways I can't believe a year has passed and in other ways I have no memory of my life before being Hayden's mommy.  It was an intense day for all of us.  Mostly of long awaited pleasure for us, but such pain for our sweet girl.  I look back at those pictures of that day and it brings tears to my eyes thinking how sad and traumatized she was to leave the only mother she had ever known.  It is now those same eyes I look into each day that are filled with curiousity, wonder, confidence that I know and love so well.  We have personally decided to not actively celebrate this day in our family.  We made that choice because it is what works for our family.  I do not judge those who make a different choice.  When Hayden is old enough to have an opinion about the matter that may change.  But right now I do not want to celebrate a day that will always remind her of her adoption, her difference, her reasons for being our daughter(she has enough reminders)  Again while it brings such happiness to me that I have become the mommy to the most amazing child on the planet that I love so intensely that it hurts sometimes, again it just reminds me that we need to celebrate our blessing in our hearts...because that is what she has filled!!

I will try and have my post done.  I am trying to decide whether I will post my letter that I have written Hayden on here.  This is to some degree a scrapbook for her, and someday she might look back and not appreciate that I shared those feelings with the outside world. 

Anyway, just know as David and I go to bed tonight we will never forget that a year ago we woke up to one of the most amazing experiences of our life, and one that we are so grateful and thankful to be allowed to experience.  We both know that our adoption journey was long and winding.....but we were meant to be Hayden's mommy and daddy, and it took the long and winding road to our happily ever after!!

Wellies

Okay my kid has a serious addiction to boots.  She has put on her snowboots the last 3 days.  All winter she wore her uggs, and while shopping today she spotted the wellies.  So after much pointing and screaming "boots, boots" I strolled over thinking they would not have them in her size...boots in general are hard to find for a foot as small as Hayden's.  But sure enough they had her size so I obliged to let her try them on.  Well you know what happened next....no she has not taken them off.  The saleslady had to cut the tag to ring them up as Hayden screamed "No, NO, NO" and now she is asleep in her bed with you guessed it, The Wellies.  Hmmmm I guess we will be wearing them everyday for awhile. 

Hayden started gymnastics today with her friend Matthew.  She was a little overwhelmed at first, but I just stuck with her, kept reassuring her that I was not leaving, and after watching the seasoned pro Matthew she decided it would be safe to get down, and by the time we were finished she had jumped on the trampoline, walked on the balence beam, did pull ups on the bars, and did some somarsaults.  Oh and got stamps on her feet and hands from Coach John.  It may end up being 50 first dates for awhile, but in the end I think she will love it!!  No pictures to show, but trust me she looked really cute!!

Beached in California

Bubbles with Daddy

Beach, Beach, Beach Hayden's new favorite word!

Hayden, Mommy and Buddy

Hayden and Daddy

Hayden LOVED the water, she was soaking wet by the time we were finished.

more fun and sun

Uncle Jay, me and Hayden waiting for dinner and keeping warm by the fire.

Aunt KK, Kenzie, Hayden and me.  We waited a really long time to take a picture of the four of us together.  Kenzie was 3 when we started the adoption process.

Two very critical items for Hayden.  Her binka and her sippy.  She had decided she was done with dinner and was headed out the door.

Easter goodies from the bunny!!

Checking out her loot.

Was not sure if she wanted to play or eat the play-doh....she did a little of both.

Coloring eggs with Uncle Jay. 

Daddy comes today and we are very excited.  We have missed him these last two weeks and can't wait to spend some time at the beach with him and the uncles!!

Sunny California

Hayden is quite comfortable on the airplane now.  She walked down the aisle all by herself on this trip!!

No trip would be complete without Hayden meeting a dog.  This is Lola the french bulldog that Hayden met in the SLC airport.  9 days later she is still talking about LOLO going byebye with her mommy!!  She LOVED LOLO!!

Lola was very calm and travels a lot.  Lola's mommy was very sweet to Hayden. 

Hayden out for Korean bar-b-que  She loved it, but not as much as her mommy!!  My new favorite place to eat in LA!!

Hayden and her Uncle Rick!!  Umm he pretty much treats Hayden like royality, and she pretty much thinks he ROCKS!!Hayden in the back garden at her uncles house in LA

Hayden and her Aunt Louise

Hayden loved walking on the beach and running from the water.  She actually left her hat on the entire time!!!YAY

How sweet is this picture??

We are having a blast!!  We had a little rough start to the trip, but it improved.  Have spent lot's of time with Aunt KK, have had AWESOME food, incredible weather, and have loved every minute we have had with Hayden's uncles.  She is a very lucky girl to have uncles that love her so much!! 

We did not feel the earthquake where we are in LA.  We had left the beach before it happened and headed up to LA.  Had we still been at the beach we would have really experienced it.  It seemed to take a turn to the east when it got to LA.  So thanks for the texts and calls and emails but we are fine!